Not-Sex on Not-Dates Read online

  NOT-SEX ON NOT-DATES

  Tess Mackenzie

  Text copyright © 2014 Tess Mackenzie

  All Rights Reserved

  Table of Contents

  Not-Sex on Not-Dates

  Not-Sex on Not-Dates

  Becky and Liv had gone out to catch up, and have fun, but mostly to cheer Becky up. Becky was single, and utterly sick of single. She had been for months and it seemed impossible to meet anyone nice.

  To meet any nice men, Liv kept pointing out, and saying it all significantly, but Becky ignored her because Liv said things like that all the time, and her meaning was fairly obvious.

  They went out, and had sushi and dessert and saw a play, and it was nice. Becky felt cheered up. Then they went back to Becky’s place, because the early-morning inner-city bar lockouts had started, and Becky’s was nearer, an apartment in town, and close enough to walk. They went there for a drink, and because maybe Liv would stay over if she couldn’t be bothered going home. Or she’d get a taxi in a while, but first they could have a last drink. When they got in, Becky flopped onto the couch and took off her shoes, because her feet had started to hurt, and Liv went over to the kitchen to look for beer in the fridge.

  “Thank you,” Becky said. “For tonight. It was fun.”

  “Yep,” Liv said. “Good.”

  “Don’t be a smartass, it actually was.”

  Liv looked up from the fridge. “Don’t get weird. All I said was good. Do you want beer?”

  Becky shook her head. Liv got one out, and opened it, and then came back over to the couch. “Move,” she said, and prodded at Liv’s feet with one of hers. Becky shifted, so Liv could sit down, then put her feet back on Liv’s lap.

  “That was my first date with a girl,” Becky said, thinking.

  “Um, that wasn’t a date, dude.”

  “It kind of was. Dinner and the theatre and walking home in the moonlight.”

  “Lying on the couch and putting your stinky feet all over me and making me get my own beer.”

  Becky grinned. “Not even a little bit of one?” she said.

  “Um, nope. Sorry.”

  “Not even a tiny bit? Like, wouldn’t it have been one, kind of, if we hadn’t already known each other first?”

  Liv shook her head.

  “Oh,” Becky said, disappointed. She didn’t quite know why she cared, but she almost did. She always wanted it to have meant something, just for an imaginary scorecard in her head.

  Liv seemed to realize. She looked at Becky for a moment, then said, “It matters whether it was?”

  “Not really.”

  “Except yes?”

  Becky shrugged.

  “Then maybe kind of a little bit of a date,” Liv said.

  “Only a little bit?”

  “Yeah only a little, you demanding asshole. But like a not-date, if you want it to be, rather than just, you know, hanging out with a mate.”

  “I don’t know what that means. A not-date.”

  Liv grinned. “I don’t either.”

  “So what’s the difference meant to be?”

  “I don’t know, whether you drag me back to your place afterwards and ply me with beer?”

  Becky looked at Liv for a moment, and then sighed.

  “What’s up, dude?” Liv said. “Why are you caring about this? You seem kind of down.”

  “I’m not. I’m fine.”

  “No you aren’t, so what’s wrong?”

  “I don’t know,” Becky said. “Just, sometimes I feel like I might as well just give up, because I never meet anyone, and never like them when I do, and I haven’t been out at all except for tonight in two and a half months now and it’s just starting to get depressing.”

  “Poor Becks,” Liv said, and sipped her beer.

  “Yeah,” Becky said. “Even though you don’t mean that.”

  “I kind of do. It’s sad. I feel sympathies.” Liv grinned. “I could set you up with someone if you want.”

  “Someone like a girl?”

  Liv shrugged. She started grinning again.

  Becky looked at her, then said, “Don’t be mean.”

  Liv shrugged. “Or not. If you’re just going to be rude.”

  “I’m not being rude, I’m being hopeless.”

  “I said poor Becks.”

  “Stop it, I’m kind of serious. That was the best date I’ve had in months, even if it wasn’t a date. It might have been the best in years.”

  “Oh,” Liv said. “That isn’t good.”

  “No it isn’t,” Becky said, a little sadly. “I mean, tonight there was no weirdos, no odd silences, no listening to someone go on and on about shit I don’t care about it. It was just fun. You were lots of fun. So thank you and I wish it had been a date after all.”

  Liv nodded slowly.

  “Tonight was fun,” Becky said, thinking. “It really was. I mean, if that was all there was to going out with girls, then right now I’d be completely set.”

  Liv patted Becky’s foot, sympathetically.

  “God,” Becky said, thinking. “I almost wish I could. Like, have nights like this, and do stuff with you, and just, well, have fun. Then I’d just need to work out how to get laid, and everything would be sorted.”

  Liv didn’t answer.

  Becky sat there for a moment, and then sighed. “Yeah,” she said. “I know.”

  “We can go out,” Liv said. “Whenever you want.”

  “But that isn’t quite the same.”

  “You have fun.”

  “Yeah, but fun, and getting laid…”

  Liv nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

  Becky sighed again. “Oh god,” she said. “That’s the worst part. I really, really need to get laid. It’s been way too long since I did.”

  “So get laid,” Liv said, and sipped her beer.

  “Oh, I’ve been trying.”

  “Not enough, apparently.”

  “Well, I keep looking, and I’ve got internet profiles, but I still can’t meet anyone…”

  “And I didn’t meant that.”

  Becky looked at Liv, wondering quite what she did mean. “What are you on about, weirdo?” she said.

  “That you can, if you want.”

  Becky thought. She sat up, and shifted her feet off Liv, and looked at her quite carefully. “Um,” she said. “What do you mean?”

  “That you can,” Liv said again. “If you want to. The not-date could end with not-sex.”

  “What the fuck is not-sex?”

  “The kind we pretend didn’t happen in the morning.”

  “Oh,” Becky said, weakly. “Obviously.”

  Becky was startled. She was pretty sure Liv had just offered her sex, and she wasn’t quite sure what to say. Liv had, she decided. Liv had just carelessly offered her a fuck, completely matter of factly, like it wasn’t even a big deal, and now she was sitting there waiting to see what Becky said.

  Liv was pretty calm about it, Becky thought, so maybe it wasn’t actually a big deal. Maybe it wasn’t, and maybe Becky should consider it, just give up on what wasn’t working for her, and try something new. Maybe she should.

  Maybe.

  Becky was almost tempted, except that she was almost certain Liv was teasing. The way she teased about Becky not being able to meet men, and that Becky didn’t understand why her boyfriends did things, and how Becky would be better off without them.

  Liv talked a lot of shit, sometimes, so it was hard to tell when she was serious.

  “You’re joking, aren’t you?” Becky said.

  “Um, no.”

  Becky sat there, looking at Liv.

  “What?” Liv said, and sipped her beer again. “You want a fuck. I’d fuck you. What’s the pr
oblem?”

  “Um, I’m not into women…”

  “Says you. Have you ever actually checked?”

  Becky didn’t answer.

  “So no?” Liv said.

  “You know it’s no.”

  “So why not find out?”

  Becky didn’t answer.

  Liv moved. She turned sideways, so she was facing towards Becky, and put her hand on Becky’s bare leg. On Becky’s thigh, carefully, so her fingertips were just touching the hem of Becky’s skirt. Then she stroked once, slowly, down over Becky’s knee. And then again, even more slowly, so Becky shivered a little, despite herself.

  Becky shivered, then desperately wished she hadn’t, because Liv noticed as soon as she did. Liv grinned, and sipped her beer, and watched Becky shiver as she stroked. She watched, and kept on stroking, slowly, touching Becky’s knee, caressing Becky’s skin. Slow, silky thoughtful caresses, Becky thought. Not entirely sensual touches, but not completely unsensual either.

  Becky watched Liv’s hand, unsure what else to do. She didn’t want to look up at Liv’s face. She watched Liv’s hand moved on her leg, and decided Liv’s hand felt nice.

  “What are you doing?” Becky said, after a moment.

  “Nothing,” Liv said.

  “Oh,” Becky said. Her mouth felt strangely dry. She reached over, and took Liv’s beer, and sipped a little herself. Then she gave the bottle back.

  Liv watched, still stroking Becky’s leg.

  “You’ve never done nothing like this before,” Becky said.

  “We’ve never been on a not-date before.”

  “You’re being an asshole,” Becky said. “You’re just teasing, aren’t you?”

  “Nope.”

  “Yeah you are.”

  Liv shook her head.

  “You’re being kind of weird,” Becky said.

  “I’m asking if you want sex.”

  “Why?”

  Liv shrugged. “I’m curious.”

  Becky didn’t understand. “About what? How I fuck?”

  “Whether you actually will.”

  “Oh,” Becky said, and sat there for a moment, staring at Liv. At Liv’s smug grin, and the odd brightness in her eyes, and the way she was teasing, but not quite. Every other time Liv had said something like that, Becky had told her to fuck off. This time, Becky didn’t. This time Becky was actually thinking about it.

  “You’re serious?” Becky said.

  “Mostly.”

  “Are you?”

  Liv shrugged.

  “Make up your mind,” Becky said. “Because if you don’t stop, I actually might.”

  Now Liv looked surprised. She bit her lip, and her hand went still, although she didn’t take it away from Becky’s leg. She hesitated for a moment, looking at Becky carefully, as if she was waiting for Becky to laugh and say she’d got her, but Becky didn’t. Becky just sat there, waiting, to see what Liv would do.

  “That isn’t funny,” Liv said.

  “Neither are you. So stop it unless you’re serious.”

  Liv thought. “I don’t know if I am.”

  “I don’t know either.”

  “You can’t be,” Liv said. “You aren’t into…”

  “And neither were you once, as far as you knew.”

  “I knew…”

  “You wondered. And now I’m wondering too.”

  Liv shrugged slightly. She seemed a little flustered. She took her hand away from Becky, and folded it into her other one, resting on her lap.

  “What?” Becky said. “Why are you getting all weird now?”

  “I’m not, I’m…” Liv stopped. “I don’t know what I am.”

  “You’re completely right is what you are,” Becky said. “There is only one way to be sure. You keep saying that, and it’s actually true. You’re right, so maybe I should try. I mean, just since you’re offering and everything, maybe I owe it to myself to check.”

  Liv bit her lip again.

  “And yep,” Becky said. “I’m horny and lonely and sad, and yep I envy how you seem to find people way more easily than me. And yep I like you, and I always kind of have, and I know there’s always been a little flirty thing going on…”

  “I never…” Liv said.

  “Whatever. I flirted back. It’s not important.”

  “All the same, this is kind of a big deal…”

  “Yep, of course it is. Except no, probably not. To try, that isn’t a big deal. It’s just trying. It might not work out.”

  Liv opened her mouth, then closed it again.

  “Because,” Becky said. “I mean, being honest, it’s probably just a sign of how horny and desperate I am, don’t you think?”

  “I don’t know. How would I know?”

  “Because you’re done this before. The wondering part. And because you know me. And, well, because I am.”

  Liv didn’t answer.

  “Hey,” Becky said. “Are you okay?”

  Liv nodded.

  “Were you serious about this?” Becky said.

  “Yep.”

  “But now you’re weird?”

  “I didn’t think you’d say yes, that’s all.”

  “So why did you…”

  “I don’t know. I suppose in case you did say yes, but I didn’t think you would.”

  “Oh,” Becky said.

  They looked at each other for a moment, and Becky wasn’t sure what that look meant. Liv was looking at her, and seemed to be thinking, but Becky was trying not to think.

  “If we do,” Becky said suddenly. “I’m not taking my top off. Just so you know.”

  “Um, all right… why…?”

  “You have nicer tits.”

  “I really don’t…”

  “Don’t be an asshole. You do.”

  “They’re small.”

  “And nicer.”

  “How do you know? I haven’t ever…”

  “I know. They’re nicer. Stop arguing now or go home.”

  Liv shrugged, but stopped.

  “Sorry,” Becky said. “I’m just saying, that’s a thing. Just so you know. If you’d like to try showing me how we could fuck, then that’d be wonderful and I really like you to. But if you do, and we both get naked, then I know myself enough to know I’ll just be comparing and worrying and not actually enjoying it. And I don’t want to do that, so instead, I’m not taking off my top.”

  “You might just, um, enjoy what we’re doing and not think so much…”

  “I won’t. You know I won’t. I’ll compare, and hate you, and get upset because mine are a funny shape.”

  “They’re not.”

  “They’re funny compared to yours.”

  Liv sighed. She sipped her beer. “You know you’re perfect how you are, right? I mean, I like you exactly as…”

  “Stop it.”

  Liv thought. “And you know you’ll probably just get into everything and not think so much about stuff like that once we start…”

  “I won’t. I’ll think.”

  “You might not.”

  Becky shook her head. “I will.”

  “And you know this for sure how?” Liv said. “Since you’ve never been in this situation before…?”

  “Um, because I’ve thought about this once or twice, and thought carefully enough to work that out.”

  “You’re thought about this. About us…?”

  “Yeah.”

  Liv seemed surprised. “Oh,” she said, and sipped again.

  “I’ve thought about it, like on my own, in my special alone time…”

  Liv nodded. “Yep.”

  “You know what I mean?”

  “Um dude, of course I know what you mean. Fuck.”

  “Good,” Becky said. “Because, well, haven’t you…?”

  “What, about you?”

  Becky nodded.

  “Um, no,” Liv said. “Because that would be creepy, and really rude too.”

  “Liar. You just think you have to say
that, right?”

  Liv shook her head. “Nope, it’s true. I never have. I never will.”

  “You can if you want to.”

  “Wow, thanks, but I’m still not going to.

  “Don’t be an asshole, I mean it. I’d like you. Especially since I already did about you…”

  Liv didn’t answer.

  There was another silence. A more comfortable silence, Becky thought. A silence like they’d decided now, and were just waiting while Liv finished her beer before they had sex. Becky was excited, and not just because it had been a while. New things were interesting, she’d decided as she sat there. New was exciting. New might be some wonderful thing she’d been missing all her life. And as well, she’d known Liv long enough, and been curious about what she did but too embarrassed to ask, that now she was actually looking forward to finding out for herself.

  Becky sat there, watching Liv sip beer, and suddenly realized that Liv’s other hand was back on her leg. It was just resting there, not moving, but Becky was surprised all the same. She hadn’t actually noticed Liv put it back.

  She glanced down at it, and Liv did too, and then, ever so slowly, Liv began stroking again. Stroking, sliding her fingers up the inside of Becky’s leg, a long way up, a silky smooth tease, so her fingertips disappeared beneath the edge of Becky’s skirt, and Becky shivered again.

  Liv grinned, smug, and Becky pushed her hand away, back down to Becky’s knee.

  “Well?” Becky said, a little breathlessly. “So do you want to or not?”

  Liv looked at her, still grinning, but didn’t actually answer. On purpose, Becky thought, just teasing because she thought it was funny.

  “We should try at least, shouldn’t we?” Becky said, ignoring Liv being difficult. “Like have a go for five minutes or whatever, and stop if it turns out to be a terrible idea?”

  “What, stop and never talk about it again if it is?”

  “Oh god no. Talk constantly if it’s terrible. Like tease the shit out of each other.”

  Liv seemed surprised, and Becky was quite pleased. Being able to be surprising was quite satisfying, and she was fairly sure she was right, too. “What?” she said. “Teasing’d be healthier, don’t you think? Like talking it out, not letting it loom there, all horrible and unspoken?”

  “Yeah,” Liv said. “Actually, you’re probably right.”